6 Signs that you care too much about what others Think.
As men, you would never admit that you care about what others think, because you know that you are not supposed to care about what others think. Yet, hidden from view you often fall into the snare of denial. For example: men are exhausted from providing for the family’s financial well-being and the effort to keep a happy wife; you know, so you can keep a happy life. It is absolutely exhausting…but don’t let anyone know. I won’t tell if you won’t. And forget about seeking help from a counselor or mental health therapist near you— that’s not okay, even though it should be. These pursuits come at a cost. It is easy to spend your limited resources to keep those around you happy. It is easy to give the excuse; “making others happy makes me happy.” Wow! The nobility of that statement feels great! Yet, the statistics show that depression and anxiety are increasing across the spectrum. Could it be that your focus on making others happy hinders your own true happiness?
You work hard! You want things for yourself, too. You want the “toys” and your “fun.” There is often a tendency to act like children in the 2nd grade yearning for show and tell. Which is essentially what Social Media has turned into, a worldwide 2nd grade. The developers of social media sold us on the idea of continuous connection, and it does have a positive influence. But, just as with anything, its greatest strength is also its greatest weakness. Social media seems to have enslaved us all to what I call the comparison and affirmation trap. Men, if you are honest, then you recognize this trap. It’s no wonder so many men and women seek individual and couples counseling. It is easy to feel discouraged, overwhelmed, disconnected, or ashamed when comparing your life to the “perfection” of what others post on Social Media. Henry Nowen and other great thinkers like him have voiced their concerns about “Facebook-life” versus “real-life.” Nowen, in his book, “Reaching Out;” stated, “Without the solitude of heart, our relationships with others easily become needy and greedy, sticky and clinging, dependent and sentimental, exploitative and parasitic, because without the solitude of heart we cannot experience the others as different from ourselves but only as people who can be used for the fulfillment of our own, often hidden, needs.”
Do you use other people to validate your actions by touting your accomplishments?
Do you use examples from your own life to encourage others to “do what you do?”
Do you concern yourself with whether or not people around are enjoying themselves in your company?
Do you keep the truth from others because you fear their response, or you just don’t want to hurt their feelings?
Do you exaggerate truths to elicit a response from others?
Do you have difficulty celebrating other’s achievements or excusing their achievements for favoritism or luck?
If so, then you may lack genuine solitude. Solitude is knowing yourself before Almighty God; it is a genuine form of humility. Finding yourself and developing “solitude” may set you free from the approval seeking lifestyle that erodes your soul. Try these few things to develop solitude:
Remind yourself that you are good enough regardless of how others respond to you.
Remind yourself that you are made in the image and likeness of God and your value and worth is directly reflected in being made in his image.
Remind yourself that your emotional experiences in life are worthy just like the people you care about.
If you have difficulty believing these truths, then it might be worthwhile to talk with a compassionate Licensed Professional Counselor. At Compass Christian Counseling we provide counseling and therapy from a Christian perspective for individuals, couples, men. We’re conveniently located near Brandon, Pearl, Clinton, and the Greater Jackson area in Flowood near Airport Rd.
